Category: Humor

111 Items on Eisgruber’s Search History

5. found out jewish what do I do?

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Hundreds Humbled by the First Year Move-in Experience

A satirical take on the chaos that was this year’s freshmen move-in.

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Jewish Wisdom

Love, lust and etsah in the bubble

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Peer Review

Since the beginning of time, editors at The Nassau Weekly have taken their pens to each other’s Common Application Essays. And yes, The Nassau Weekly has been around since the beginning of time.

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Nass-strology: SCOR-A-HOPE (if you’re lucky) Edition

“Most people claim they don’t believe in horoscopes. But admit it. Some days even the best of us take two minutes of our lives to check what information the movements of celestial objects will divine.”

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145 Very Specific Anxieties

Things you didn’t even know you should be worried about.

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Are You That Kid?

1. Do you raise your hand in precept before the teacher asks a question? a) Yes b) No 2. Do you play the piano in Frist? a) Yes b) No 3. Do you cover the salt and pepper, turn them … Read More

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10 Types of Voters

“There’s the old adage, “know thy enemy,” or in this case, “know thy political sparring partner.”

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Campus Map of Rap

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H, to O

Dear Oxygen,

I haven’t seen you in a while. And I suppose you’ve never really seen me (remember, I am just one proton). Though I periodically get lonely, I manage to stay positive. This is a joke, Oxygen. You see, I am always positive in an electromagnetic sense (I am a proton!), but my morale—well, with a relentless positive charge comes a great burden. O—may I call you O?—nothing comes easily to me.

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From the Editors

First Voice Message: Today, Friday, the 3rd, 4:27 a.m. — The sounds of Manhattan circa 3 a.m., most noticeably an earnestly diegetic purring. — Hey, man, I know it’s been awhile. — Palpable, nay, precocious, slurring — I’m calling to … Read More

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Facial Hair, Don’t Care

While brainstorming what to give up for Lent, my friend Spencer suggested foregoing facial hair. This would probably be an entirely inconsequential Lenten sacrifice for the vast majority of the male population. For a stubborn, barely post-pubescent boy such as myself, however, this is no easy endeavor. For some inscrutable reason, and to the consternation of friends and family, I persist in growing absolutely disgusting facial hair.

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