Category: Humor

That Precept Kid Reviews Some Albums

Piggybacking off of your cultural criticism

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127 Unclaimed Rap Names

The Crying Game DJ Yung Educated But Unemployed Lil Drummer Boy Sofresh n’ Soclean Dion Adonis Morissette D(ean)J Rapelye Rudeboy Giuliani Duncan Hoy-Z Lil Peni$ Lil Italy Lil Lion Man Lil Caesars Pizza Kings ?uest Missy Eliot Linton Missy Michelle … Read More

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Facial Hair, Don’t Care

While brainstorming what to give up for Lent, my friend Spencer suggested foregoing facial hair. This would probably be an entirely inconsequential Lenten sacrifice for the vast majority of the male population. For a stubborn, barely post-pubescent boy such as myself, however, this is no easy endeavor. For some inscrutable reason, and to the consternation of friends and family, I persist in growing absolutely disgusting facial hair.

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Rage With Romney

Mitt Romney praying and drinking.

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An Alcohol.edu Love Story

“Because the last time we parted ways
Was in the upstairs lobby of McCosh.”

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When Tigerhub Goes Down

The twenty-one hours to himself during the day aren’t so bad, but the three hours at night are paralyzing. He always tells himself, in the midst of particularly productive days, that he’ll be able to finally start doing things during the night, but when the time comes he’s scared of going out.

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Who in the Pinke

Twenty-two years and some number between one and 365 days before this article was published, I, William Pinke, bungee-jumped out my mother’s womb and into the world, a mindless, hairless, obese blank slate. I was given only four things that day: my name, my brain, my body, and a blanket. Since then, I have carried each through every stage of my development, but of the four only my name has remained unchanged.

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Just Say No

The philosophers tell us that everyone has, at some point in their life, given or received a handjob*. Science bears this out. Thing is, though, that handjobs just aren’t that great. Nobody really likes giving them, and, save for a … Read More

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The Nass 100

100 things the staff of the Nassau Weekly doesn’t want to see again next year.

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What Would Jesus Do at Princeton

Mary is cooking breakfast in an ordinary kitchen in a subdivision with a pool in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. She pauses for a moment when she catches her reflection in the brushed metal surface of the new refrigerator.

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The Fifth Column

Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” How many times have you heard that one, seriously? If there is a list out there of the top-ten-most abused quotes in history, this one by Spanish essayist George Santayana would certainly rank near the top. While I am a bit hesitant to use it here, I have raked my brain for the past several hours to find anything else that could better contextualize contemporary movements towards an Palestinian-Israeli peace. It has been a vain attempt.

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40.36° South 105.3° East

You have walked through FitzRandolph Gate, and you will never graduate. You keep walking until you hit the shore.

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