Category: Humor

70 of Princeton’s Next Big Construction Projects: A Nass List

PRINCETON BUILDS: A doomsday bunker, an embassy for Bumble ambassadors, a cold brew river, and 67 other projects.

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Peer Review

__Dan edits Giri’s college app__
Page 1, Page 2, Page 3

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Open Letter

“I hardly believe that I am the first to bring this to your attention, but I feel compelled by my allegiance to our university’s mission to ask: why don’t we spend more time talking about dinosaurs?”

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Why Princeton students are like flowers

I went up to a girl who was yelling so loudly and excitedly that I thought I was in an episode of America’s Next Top Model right after the model-hopefuls have found out that they’re going to some foreign country, like Africa or Spain. “What’s the commotion?” I asked as we stood in front of Ivy, half expecting her to tell me that we were all going to Bali together.

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My Life is All I Have

A fable for sons.

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Greek Life

In the past month I’ve read loads of Greek classics. It was a really depressing month filled with people killing their kids, kids killing their parents, people marrying their parents, people stabbing other people in their eyes or at least stabbing themselves in their eyes. It seems like these things were so common in ancient Greece that sacrificial infanticide became unimportant enough that Homer left it out of why the Achaeans won the Trojan War.

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things i could remember

blue cheese root beer jukeboxes servals william howard taft blue footed boobies whale sharks hash slinging slasher triple trapeze john wayne gacy the movie baby geniuses 2015 four loko gold crossfit delta 8 ipod nano (on which I once watched … Read More

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103 Things to Do as a Prefrosh

The Nass compiled the definitive list of necessary prefrosh experiences

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Peer Review

Since the beginning of time, editors at The Nassau Weekly have taken their pens to each other’s Common Application essays…

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Welcome to Our Study

Take off your underwire bra and your prison tattoos. Thank you. Put in these earplugs please. You’ll hear us; we’ll speak very loudly and with gestures.

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Peer Review

Since the beginning of time, editors at The Nassau Weekly have taken their pens to each other’s Common Application Essays. And yes, The Nassau Weekly has been around since the beginning of time.

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H, to O

Dear Oxygen,

I haven’t seen you in a while. And I suppose you’ve never really seen me (remember, I am just one proton). Though I periodically get lonely, I manage to stay positive. This is a joke, Oxygen. You see, I am always positive in an electromagnetic sense (I am a proton!), but my morale—well, with a relentless positive charge comes a great burden. O—may I call you O?—nothing comes easily to me.

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