Category: Humor

Facial Hair, Don’t Care

While brainstorming what to give up for Lent, my friend Spencer suggested foregoing facial hair. This would probably be an entirely inconsequential Lenten sacrifice for the vast majority of the male population. For a stubborn, barely post-pubescent boy such as myself, however, this is no easy endeavor. For some inscrutable reason, and to the consternation of friends and family, I persist in growing absolutely disgusting facial hair.

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Short Guide for Running

Twenty satirical directives for running in the city.

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A Short Imagined Monologue By A Guy Trying To Trick A Student To Prox Him In In Order To Break Into A Dorm And Has Prepared For This Moment By Hanging Around Frist A Few Days

“Listen, I just got in on the Dinkory…”

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DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT: A Personal(ish) History of Fanfiction

“Now that it’s mainstream, it’s hard for me to reconcile the subcultural nature of fanfiction and fan spaces with its ever-increasing visibility. For almost a decade, I’ve been so entrenched in fan culture that it surprises me when someone doesn’t know what Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics entail.”

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90 Princeton Courses that Were Never Taught

All the courses you always wanted to take—if the university ever let you.

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Servicing the Nation

Several weeks ago, a number of students received an email about a group of Bronx middle school students who wanted to visit Princeton. The idea was simple: at-risk students might be motivated to stay in school if they could see the fruits of years of academic labor. Unfortunately, only a few days before the slated visit, we received another email. The students could no longer visit Princeton because of budget cuts. At this announcement, the school threw up its hands in dismay and declared that there was nothing to be done to help these kids.

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Peer Review: Jeremy Revises Isabel’s Essay

Jeremy Cohen marks up Isabel Henderson’s Common App essay.

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Intimacy

Jeremy and Linda lay in bed. Jeremy was shirtless, and Linda had her head nestled against his left nipple. His arm reached around her back, stroking her shoulder affectionately.

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Lester in Love

I: For a neurotic weenie you sure seem to be a man of action.
L: Yeah, well sometimes.

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Kim Meets Pope

Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò pushes Kim Davis through a set of oak double doors. She teeters on her kitten heels, stumbling into a dark, velvety interior. She blinks, swirls of smoke stinging her eyes and clouding her vision, and sneezes. … Read More

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Double Features to Do Instead of Barbie/Oppenheimer

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101 Questions to Ask Eisgruber at Office Hours

What is Cap Love? How can I improve my relationship with my mother? what’s ur dick like? You’re Jewish but your name is Christopher… is that weird for you? Have you ever hooked up with a student? Be honest. Which … Read More

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