Byline: Samuel Bollen

Weird Vermeer

When I’m trying to be cool talking about my intersession I tell people I was visiting friends who are doing a gap year in the Capitol (which is technically true), but mostly I was hanging out with my aunt and going to art galleries.

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Give a Glimpse of What Yer Not

Their new album, Give a Glimpse of What Yer Not, doesn’t reinvent the band’s sound; however, it does contain some of their best work. This is a natural extension of a long career, not just a cute or tired continuation of it.

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The Ghost Sex

Reliving what could have been.

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How to Write a Pitchfork Album Review

Listen to two or three of the songs off of the album. Pick them from different sections, so it seems like you listened to the whole thing. Also, don’t call them songs. Call them “tracks” or (even better) “cuts” instead.

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Welcome to WolfWorld

There’s only wolves and people left.

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Manscaping

Before my senior year of high school, I had relegated the concept of manscaping to metrosexual metropolises like New York and Los Angeles.

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A Not-Sonnet

Chamomile tea gets me off More than getting me off does See also: girls laughing at my jokes & 90s video games   Can we go back to your place? Sure, but only if you’re down To smoke dope & … Read More

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Slapstick

The toy’s full name was Slapstick: An Authentic Comedy Toy for the Whole Family!TM, Slapstick himself being a kind of flesh-colored kidney-bean-shaped almost-humanoid character with googly eyeballs and kind of oozy chunky rubbery skin (which was in fact made of … Read More

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Country Shit with Granddad

When I was seventeen I went duck hunting on a lake in the backwoods of Tennessee with my grandfather and uncle.

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Peer Review

Since the beginning of time, editors at The Nassau Weekly have taken their pens to each other’s Common Application Essays. And yes, The Nassau Weekly has been around since the beginning of time.

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Lester in Love

I: For a neurotic weenie you sure seem to be a man of action.
L: Yeah, well sometimes.

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The National Enquirer’s Daddy Issues

About a month ago I watched a Netflix documentary on the founder of the National Enquirer: Enquiring Minds: The Untold Story of the Man behind the National Enquirer. As it started, I saw that the production was nothing special—mostly voiceovers … Read More

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