Byline: Samuel Bollen

How to Write a Pitchfork Album Review

Listen to two or three of the songs off of the album. Pick them from different sections, so it seems like you listened to the whole thing. Also, don’t call them songs. Call them “tracks” or (even better) “cuts” instead.

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Lester in Love

I: For a neurotic weenie you sure seem to be a man of action.
L: Yeah, well sometimes.

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Everyone except for the dinosaurs

Samuel Bollen on Dinosaurs.

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Liking Love

The first few episodes feature some pretty conventional plot devices, but the characterization and dialogue have a loose, awkward, and very human quality to them.

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Why Imma Do Me

Homer, homogeny, and the timeless value of individualism

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Manscaping

Before my senior year of high school, I had relegated the concept of manscaping to metrosexual metropolises like New York and Los Angeles.

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Death Grips “Hot Head” Track Review

“Hot Head” is not only an assertion of power but also an investigation into how power works.

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Soap Poem

found an old bar of yr soap in the bathroom closet more like i found it in the store (amazon) n bought it n brought it home n bathed myself w it n had a v v emotional time ie … Read More

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Corpse Diem

We will all be worm food
So fuck each other wildly

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Peer Review

Since the beginning of time, editors at The Nassau Weekly have taken their pens to each other’s Common Application Essays. And yes, The Nassau Weekly has been around since the beginning of time.

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Slapstick

The toy’s full name was Slapstick: An Authentic Comedy Toy for the Whole Family!TM, Slapstick himself being a kind of flesh-colored kidney-bean-shaped almost-humanoid character with googly eyeballs and kind of oozy chunky rubbery skin (which was in fact made of … Read More

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