Category: Humor

Who in the Pinke

Twenty-two years and some number between one and 365 days before this article was published, I, William Pinke, bungee-jumped out my mother’s womb and into the world, a mindless, hairless, obese blank slate. I was given only four things that day: my name, my brain, my body, and a blanket. Since then, I have carried each through every stage of my development, but of the four only my name has remained unchanged.

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Spring Preening

Seasonal fashion tips for the indolent.

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Cartoons & Caption Contest

Some cartoons for your Sunday pleasure.

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From the Editors

Our Weekly Missive.

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104 Hours in Calcutta

It all started with a little hash. Or rather, it all started with no hash. Or was it Old Monk? No, that’s not it. I’m not starting far back enough. I arrived in Calcutta on a Thursday night. I had … Read More

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Nass-strology: SCOR-A-HOPE (if you’re lucky) Edition

“Most people claim they don’t believe in horoscopes. But admit it. Some days even the best of us take two minutes of our lives to check what information the movements of celestial objects will divine.”

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THE PHILOSOPHICAL FIVE (my very objective opinion on the best and worst philosophers of all time)

“Also known as the father of all philosophy (daddy?) Socrates is the original playboy. Everyone, and I mean everyone, fangirls over him.”

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Peer Review

Since the beginning of time, editors at the Nassau Weekly have taken their pens to each other’s Common Application Essays. And yes, the Nassau Weekly has been around since the beginning of time.

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The Fifth Column

Driving through the backwater mountain towns of West Virginia can be a taxing experience for anyone—especially if you’re a pudgy pseudo-intellectual from New Mexico whose only point of Appalachian cultural reference consists of the oft-spotted McDonalds-Texaco-Pizza Hut triple-threat rest stop. … Read More

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Battle of the Bedbugs

Rejoice, my comrades! Today has been a truly glorious day in the history of our intrepid battalion. From the moment we were deployed at the peak of summer heat, to our present landing as the season has begun to wane, our mission has been blessed by our Lord, the Great Bed-Crawler. All bow to His Bloodiness.

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Canada F.A.Q.

On Canada and Justin Trudeau.

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Mafia Rules

Mafia–the ultimate pre-orientation/term break trip game. There’s no better way to bond as a group than killing and turning on each other. In the game, a team of killers strikes secretly at night, then try to conceal themselves as an … Read More

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