Category: Humor

The Nass 100

100 things the staff of the Nassau Weekly doesn’t want to see again next year.

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Peer Review

Since the beginning of time, editors at The Nassau Weekly have taken their pens to each other’s Common Application Essays. And yes, The Nassau Weekly has been around since the beginning of time. Here, in the billionth incarnation of this … Read More

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100 Reasons I Can’t Have Sex With You Tonight

My mom has the key to my chastity belt.

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Jewish Wisdom

Love, lust and etsah in the bubble.

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We Should Really, Like, Do A Cleanse

What do Gwyneth Paltrow, my mother, and their doctors have in common?

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A Better Course Guide

The Nass’s classes.

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40.36° South 105.3° East

You have walked through FitzRandolph Gate, and you will never graduate. You keep walking until you hit the shore.

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Jewish Wisdom

Dear Aron & Josh, Someone in my frat is making me fast for a week. I really don’t want to drop out of the frat but I don’t know if I can make it a week with just water. Help?

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Customers Who Bought This

I don’t like it when you use my Amazon account. My recommendations are getting stranger and stranger and I know it’s because of you. You should remember that it tells me which items are bought together—and, honestly, you have some explaining to do.

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What Would Jesus Do at Princeton

Mary is cooking breakfast in an ordinary kitchen in a subdivision with a pool in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. She pauses for a moment when she catches her reflection in the brushed metal surface of the new refrigerator.

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The Nass 100

100 things the staff of the Nassau Weekly doesn’t want to see again next year.

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Solving for Why?

I noticed that Stefan talked quite a bit about balancing things. Before you find an optimal outcome, you must first find if your equation is balanced (or something like that). I pictured Stefan looking into his closet that morning. He selects a pair of jeans and then couples it with a chambray shirt. He knows the jean on jean would create a balanced, uniform look, but is it optimal?

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