Category: Humor

The 2016 Election According to Some People in Your Precept

Jen is president of Princeton Young Democrats and Woody Woo Major, ’18. She interned for an assistant to the assistant of a staffer in Elizabeth Warren’s Massachusetts office, is “with her,” metaphorically and literally; she wears a locket with Hilary’s face in it at all times.

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How to Remember Names

Human connection is beautiful, but one must remember not to dampen that burgeoning fire by committing
the greatest sin of all friendships: forgetting a name.

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10 Things You Absolutely Don’t Need to Bring to College

But Your Mother Will Insist You Do

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How to Write a Pitchfork Album Review

Listen to two or three of the songs off of the album. Pick them from different sections, so it seems like you listened to the whole thing. Also, don’t call them songs. Call them “tracks” or (even better) “cuts” instead.

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Slapstick

The toy’s full name was Slapstick: An Authentic Comedy Toy for the Whole Family!TM, Slapstick himself being a kind of flesh-colored kidney-bean-shaped almost-humanoid character with googly eyeballs and kind of oozy chunky rubbery skin (which was in fact made of … Read More

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The Nass 100

Every spring, the staff of the Nassau Weekly compile a list of things they do not want to see next year. However, I realized it was unnecessary to involve other people in such a task, as I am disproportionately outraged. Also, my therapist thought it would be a useful exercise.

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The Beach: A Brofile

The beach is at once a confusing and wonderful thing to behold. Like a sandbox for man children, the beach is full of all the earthly pleasures one would expect of such a place–one metric ton of white sand, an inflatable treasure chest cooler filled with Coronas, a leafy green palm tree and a speaker from which the country stylings of the Zac Brown Band can regularly be heard.

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A View of Reunions from Behind the Scenes

Behind the scenes of Princeton’s annual alumni event, a small number of dedicated student trucking teams work tirelessly to keep Reunions running smoothly. Responsible for driving a fleet of large box trucks, crews of student truckers single-handedly transport all of … Read More

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Nine Hours in McCosh 50

A day in the life of a lecture hall.

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Lester in Love

I: For a neurotic weenie you sure seem to be a man of action.
L: Yeah, well sometimes.

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372 Brown

Artist statement for a Visual Arts thesis.

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Interview with Lester, Functional Humanoid

She looked at me and turned her thingie off. And said typical. And then turned over and kept vibrating.

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