Finally tapping into the coveted “Action Movie-Goers Ages 55-64” demographic is _RED,_ the first movie to fully recognize that the bad-ass old guy is the most bad-ass bad-ass possible. For that matter, I think I am not exaggerating when I say that, by and large, the older the practitioner, the more raw the feat. I dare you to name one thing that’s not raw as hell when done by a dude or lady of years. Doing push-ups. Chopping firewood. Yelling at Koreans. Speaking to a nation. Chugging a beer.
__WALL STREET: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS__
Having been cryogenically frozen at the end of _Wall Street_, Kirk “Michael” Douglas has returned to wreak havok on this new, technologically advanced century with ’80s know-how and slick suspenders. As any movie buff would know, this premise is a direct rip-off of _Jason X_, the one where Jason kills people on a space ship instead of next to a lake.
As you might have guessed, the _Nassau Weekly_ is full of a bunch of super-nerds who are really into books and junk. To give you an indication of how into books they are, consider this: Every week, they have their … Read More
*OUR FAMILY WEDDING*
Are we so quick to forget the lessons of West Side Story? Latinos and blacks are natural enemies. When they fall in love, their families will inevitably feud, and it will be sassy as hell. YOU KNEW THIS WHEN YOU STARTED DATING, ATTRACTIVE INTERRACIAL COUPLE. YOU MUST HAVE.
The Date “I guess I just don’t know how to deal with loss.” “No, yeah, me neither.” My date had been crying for most of dinner, and I was kind of getting sick of it. “Hey, I’ve got an idea. … Read More
“The editor of Analecta, the official literary and arts journal of the University of Texas at Austin, was flipping through some old volumes when she came across the writings of former UT student and current filmmaker Wes Anderson. Published in … Read More
The philosophers tell us that everyone has, at some point in their life, given or received a handjob*. Science bears this out. Thing is, though, that handjobs just aren’t that great. Nobody really likes giving them, and, save for a … Read More
KILLERS Killers stars Katherine Heigl as an attractive, blonde, and slightly manic but single and unfulfilled woman who’s all too acutely aware that her biological clock’s ticking. As if by magic, shockingly attractive man of her dreams Ashton Kutcher comes … Read More