Byline: Dan Abromowitz

A Man is Defined by his Actions

Having finally made his decision after weeks of deliberation, including long sessions of pacing, breaking into sprawling, silent walks from his apartment to the piers to the bridge to the square and then back, all the while considering implications and … Read More

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The Movies, Today

*OUR FAMILY WEDDING*
Are we so quick to forget the lessons of West Side Story? Latinos and blacks are natural enemies. When they fall in love, their families will inevitably feud, and it will be sassy as hell. YOU KNEW THIS WHEN YOU STARTED DATING, ATTRACTIVE INTERRACIAL COUPLE. YOU MUST HAVE.

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The Movies, Today

KILLERS Killers stars Katherine Heigl as an attractive, blonde, and slightly manic but single and unfulfilled woman who’s all too acutely aware that her biological clock’s ticking. As if by magic, shockingly attractive man of her dreams Ashton Kutcher comes … Read More

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The Movies, Today

__WALL STREET: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS__
Having been cryogenically frozen at the end of _Wall Street_, Kirk “Michael” Douglas has returned to wreak havok on this new, technologically advanced century with ’80s know-how and slick suspenders. As any movie buff would know, this premise is a direct rip-off of _Jason X_, the one where Jason kills people on a space ship instead of next to a lake.

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That Darn Cat

Garfield is a terrible comic. I hate to say it, but there’s no two ways around it. Whatever pep, zang, or originality the comic may have had at its inception has long since been drained over its twenty-two year continuing … Read More

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Human-Bone Scythes, Poleaxes, Death and Boobs

As you might have guessed, the _Nassau Weekly_ is full of a bunch of super-nerds who are really into books and junk. To give you an indication of how into books they are, consider this: Every week, they have their … Read More

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Just Say No

The philosophers tell us that everyone has, at some point in their life, given or received a handjob*. Science bears this out. Thing is, though, that handjobs just aren’t that great. Nobody really likes giving them, and, save for a … Read More

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Physical Princeton

Space in this Princeton place.

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Our Trash, Rehashed

Princetoween 2012: a material documentation.

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The Movies, Today

Jesse meets Ethan. Ethan’s a little geeky, but luckily he’s the cute kind of geeky where he’s all “aw shucks” and witty and goofy…

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A Short Imagined Monologue By A Guy Trying To Trick A Student To Prox Him In In Order To Break Into A Dorm And Has Prepared For This Moment By Hanging Around Frist A Few Days

“Listen, I just got in on the Dinkory…”

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Peer Review

__Dan edits Giri’s college app__
Page 1, Page 2, Page 3

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