Byline: Colin Pfeiffer

Frist’s Tentacles

“It’s really big. I mean, it’s like really, really big,” a prospective Princetonian exclaimed. “Like I think my high school could, like, fit into this building. What do they do with all this space?” she queried, twirling her bleached blond hair around a manicured finger. She flounced off to catch a departing Orange Key Tour.

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Jesus Christ Supersized

John Hagee has perfected this easily accessible, easily consumed version of Christianity at Cornerstone. He has pared down the commitment, time and energy one needs to devote to religion to the barest minimum. You simply show up at 8:30, 11:00 or 6:30 on Sunday and worship. For a little over an hour, you can cleanse your soul, praise the Lord and find peace. And you don’t need to strain yourself, either. The music is simple. The message is alliterative.

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Fear and Loathing at the Freshman Formal

When I heard about the Freshman Formal my mind immediately flipped to “Prom: The College Edition.” At first I didn’t even plan on going to the Formal.

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From the Editors

From Us To You.

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Beginning the Year Properly

Instead of the usual how-do-you-do, we’d like to tell a story.
There once were two bears. Both were young and happy; both led pleasant and fulfilling lives.
Or so they thought.

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From the Editors

Two-hundred and fifty seven days, folks. Two hundred and fifty-seven. Let it roll of your tongues—257—it won’t be long now.

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From the Editors

Our Weekly Missive.

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StalkFest

Stalking someone is like sucking the marrow out of bones. It is disgusting both to watch and perform.

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The Bald Soprano and The Chairs

Princeton’s drug culture is like a moon. Once a month it is full, lustrous and can be seen from all over campus. For some, this metaphorical moon is perpetually full and bright while for others the sky above is eternally dark.

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From the Editors

Our Weekly Missive.

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Lone Star Gracchi

“Although neither of us is particularly loud, I guess you could say I’ve always been a little bit more introverted, a little quieter,” Castro said, describing his relationship with his twin brother, Joaquin. “But Joaquin and I have different ideas about politics and how to serve the people. I felt that I could help more people on a day-to-day basis in the city government. And so,” he finished, a quiet determination in his voice. “Here I am.”

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Squashed Together

“We definitely weren’t the favorites going into this,” senior and captain Casey Riley said. “But we pulled it out.” Riley wasn’t exaggerating. The women’s squash team, by many counts, was not the favorite to win this year’s Howe Cup.

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