Dear Wise Wendy,

All of my friends have special skills. Some of my friends are great at driving, and other friends of mine have excellent body parts. What do I do to get a great skill?

From,

Skilless

Dear Skilless,

Don’t get too down on yourself—everyone has a skill, it’s just about finding the one that’s right for you! Based on your question, it seems pretty clear to me that you’d be great with nunchucks. Have you ever tried nunchucking? I’m sure you’d be great at it!

Dear Wise Wendy,

I chucked a few nuns across a fence and now they’re all suing me. What do I do?

From,

Skilless

Dear Skilless,

You must be terrible at throwing things—guess we’ve found one skill that’s not for you! Why don’t you try handling an actual pair of nunchucks, instead of chucking nuns around?

Dear Wise Wendy,

I bought some nuns, and after I ate them I blew two of the chunks all over the place. Now people are suing me for ruining their clothes with the pair of nunchunks! What now?

From,

Skilless

Dear Skilless,

You must be terrible at chewing—guess we’ve found another skill that’s not for you! Why don’t you try putting the nuns in a blender and drinking them on the go, instead of trying to chew them up in a room and then blowing the nunchunks all over the walls and the people?

Dear Wise Wendy,

I put all the blended-up nuns into my truck and drove the nuntruck across the country. Now the nuns aren’t being helpful at all with the directions because they’re blended-up, so I’m lost! What do I do next to deal with this problem?

From,

Skilless

Dear Skilless,

You must be terrible at getting directions from blended-up nuns—guess we’ve found a third thing that’s not a skill of yours! Don’t blend up her mouth or brain or eyes, or any other part of a nun’s body that she needs to read maps and relay directions to you.

Dear Wise Wendy,

I’m in trouble with the police for killing nuns with my nunchucks then selling the nunchunks out of my nuntruck. Help!

From,

Skilless

Dear Skilless,

Though I don’t consider myself someone who gives up on others very easily, I believe you are hopeless and I am giving up. I’m sorry that you don’t have any skills. You’re a skilless skillet.

Dear Wise Wendy,

Just writing to say that we love your column! On most Thursdays at dinner, we just sit around and read all of your advice aloud to each other and laugh and take your advice and use it to stay in line! It’s a great bonding activity, and what a treat! And how!

From,

Cottage Club + Clottage Cub

Dear Cottage + Clottage,

I appreciate you guys, too! Thanks for clotting my arteries with your bear-antics and music tastes.