So apparently they’re making a TV show about Whitman College, the new four-year residential college projected to open in 2006. So here we go:

Whitman College: The College Years Theme Song- “ Far From Familiar” by The Shins

This song plays while showing short persona-appropriate clips of the principal characters, plus some Princeton scenes and scenery:

He’s got a bone to pick

She’s layin’ it on thick

Take a walk but not too slowly

While you suggest there’s things to show me

(ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba-)

Far from familiar

Far from familiar

Far familiar and it’s my turn to explain

Far from familiar

Far from familiarrrrrrrrr

etc. etc.

(Cut to Epsiode)

Introducing the Main Characters: Episode One

Taylor Anderson- The episode begins with freshman Taylor’s hokey-cum-kooky parents saying goodbye to their son in his new dorm room in Whitman College, with the mother of course in near-hysterics and the father keeping a “stiff upper lip”. Taylor is the totally average guy, the anchor of the show- he’s on the innocent side but “would be interested in partying”, etc. He also might be “up for a game of hoops”.

Ray Okugekale- As Taylor’s parents are exiting the room, they nearly collide with roommate Ray Okugekale, the “Africanist Presence” of the show, who is carrying a box of belongings and walking backwards while in a heated exchange of words with his parents. The near-collision is worked out and there is a funny, awkward exchange between Ray’s loud, bombastic parents and the sweet-but-stiff parents of Taylor. Both sets of parents exit, wishing their respective children the best, leaving Ray and Taylor to interact one-on-one. They hit it off instantly when Taylor sees that Ray brought a DVD of a kung-fu movie that he really likes. They start talking about great kung-fu movies and become instant friends.

Ricky and Randy- Ray and Taylor’s discussion is interrupted by wild noises from the hall. They both look at each other with a “What is THAT!?” type of look. In the open door at the back of the set, a large figure (Randy) zooms past, followed by a loud crash and hollering. Another large kid, Ricky, runs into the room and shouts “Did you SEE that!?” Enter Randy, with a desk-chair on rollers duct-taped to his backside. “I think I set a new record!”, he yells.

Ricky is played by Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts, and Randy is played by the redheaded chubby kid from The Sandlot, Son-in-Law, and The Big Green. They’re the wild n’ crazy softies who will provide moments of comic relief and surprising tenderness throughout the season. We’ll watch as Randy comes to terms with alcoholism, and see Ricky stick up for his friend even if it means suffering the consequences, etc.

Shoshana Schmaltznik- The four dudes mentioned above are eating in the Whitman Dining Hall when a beautiful dark Jewess (Shoshana Schmaltznik) and her Asian sidekick, Vivian, walk by, carrying trays, etc. Some auxilliary kid gives the protagonists the dish on Shoshana’s simultaneous freak-nastiness and exclusivity. Later on in the season, Taylor and Shoshana will start to get involved, against all odds, but then come to terms with certain things about each other, each other’s values, and just decide to be friends. Also, there might be a Christmas-time“Winter Formal” special where Ray takes Vivian to the Winter Formal (when they appear for the first time onscreen locked arm-in-arm in their formal attire, the “studio audience” does one of those high pitched “whooooo!” things) and they do a good dance.

Dean Kermit- By a series of misunderstandings, Taylor ends up taking the rap for one of Randy’s pranks that went too far. So he’s called into Dean Kermit’s office. Dean Kermit, a Classics professor of German extraction, seems at first to be bitter and severe, but HA!, he was only kidding! Turns out Dean Kermit is a down-to-earth, good-natured guy and everyone “simply has the wrong idea” about him. Dean Kermit might be a no-nonsense type of guy, but he definitely has a merciful silly streak. He even pranks Randy back!

Other possible characters could and will include: Funky Platonic Girl, Antagonist Clique, Brainiac (and/or) “Hippie” guy who has to be named Josh, Girl with a Foreign Accent, Peppy (or humorously snobby) Wealthy Girl.

Some Upcoming Epsiodes

“Towel Trouble”- Taylor’s reputation sustains a heavy blow when Taylor absentmindedly wraps his towel around his torso “girl style”, instead of “guy style” around his waist, when coming out of the shower and walking down the hall. He redeems himself by singing “Splish Splash I Was Taking a Bath” while wearing a towel “girl style”, plus one around his head, at the Whitman College Open Mike Night.

“Alcohol is Good For All”- In what have been some sort of administrative slip-up, the folks at the network gave the green light to this episode in which only positive consequences of underage drinking are portrayed. The freshmen come back from a raucous night at the Street and, fairly inebriated, proceed to share their feelings openly/ hook up with attractive members of the opposite sex/ enjoy a cigarette. The next morning they discuss their great night. The episode closes when everyone is accounted for but Brainiac/Hippie Josh, who finally rolls into the dining hall with those Austrian grad student twins on either arm— and he’s got ‘em speaking Yiddish!

“Beating the Big Apple Blues”- Ray is looking forward to going on a special date in New York with a girl he really likes. She ditches him for some petty, self-promoting reason and Ray is bummed out. To cheer him up, all of Ray’s friends set up a mini-New York in their dorm rooms. Jay-Z makes a guest appearance. Ray begins to realize that he might have a thing for Funky Platonic Girl.


After Whitman College: The College Years wraps up, possible spin-offs include:

Becoming Dr. Josh- Josh goes to Johns Hopkins Medical School and his far-out Hippie/Brainiac persona clashes with the straight-laced atmosphere- looks like Josh has a thing or two to teach Johns Hopkins!

Becoming Nikki- Nikki, the funky platonic girl, gets a job at a Midtown art gallery and trades her funky platonicity for sophisticated, sexy hipsterism. Sitcom features love interests (a wealthy art patron, a young up-and-coming video installation artist, Ray when he moves to New York for a season), kooky co-employees (put down that bloody mary, Sheila, I’m serious!), the glitz and glamor of the art world, etc.

Becoming Prof. T- Taylor, just out of college, teaches in a rough, overcrowded inner-city school for Teach for America. To the blindly by-the-books administrators, he’s Mister Anderson- an unpredicatable maverick whose unorthodox teaching style needs to be stopped. But to the students who are finally being reached by Taylor’s creative and refreshingly honest approach, he’s known as Professor Taylor—– Prof. T.

Also, a show where Ricky and Randy pull all kinds of hijinx at an Army hospital overseas.