Illustration by Diana Chen

1. those jeans do make you look fat

2. you said i looked really tired today. it was just a passing comment, i realize, but i wonder if you know that you’re one of the only people i ever take my makeup off in front of

3. the beep on your phone is so generic, but i know whenever that incoming message is from her or not based on the softness of your smile when you look at the screen

4. i actually really, really hate that weird pasta dish that you make, but you’re so proud of it that i feel kind of obligated to pretend as though i like it. it was your mom’s recipe, too. i mean, it’s actually not that bad; it’s just a little bit dry sometimes. you’re so happy whenever i finish off my plate…

5. during all those years i had spent waiting for you to make the first move, i wish i’d known that you had been waiting for me, too

6. the first time we went on a date, i spent over half of it trying to remember your name because all i could think of was the nickname i’d come up with based on your tinder profile, and i spent the other half sweating nervously through my jacket, praying to god you wouldn’t notice, and wondering what would happen when you dropped me off at home that night

7. i wish i’d kissed you when i had the chance

8. i wish i hadn’t kissed you when i had the chance

9. did you just introduce me to her as your “best friend”? did i seriously just get friendzoned?

10. i still think you’re beautiful with those bruises around your eyes. i swear i won’t do it again

11. you never smiled that widely when you were with me

12. the past few months, my knees have been really hurting, and so have my hands. i can’t bend my knuckles that well anymore, either, but i figure it’s all right. i haven’t told you since i don’t want you to worry. you already worry so much, my dear

13. why did you think it was okay to leave me all alone?

14. maybe it’s dumb of me, but i still wonder if you’ll ever come back

15. and i hope i get to tell you one day

16. just how much

17. i love you