Ryan Foss ‘06

Ryan Foss doesn’t deserve to be featured in an issue of the Nassau Weekly because he is a good roommate. He’s not. His penchant for vomiting and urinating on room furniture, irrational refusal to chip in any money for room furnishings, and obscenely loud early morning routine disqualify him from that. Not to mention the time his roommates had to console a crying female companion of Ryan’s because he had inexplicably begun patting her on the head repeatedly and cooing “cutesy pies” in her ear. It can’t be because he has been the model family man. His parents have disowned him and his younger brother is permanently banned from an eating club. He doesn’t deserve his own issue because the administration likes him. He only narrowly avoided expulsion for email fraud and identity theft because his major opponent on the disciplinary council was diagnosed with cancer the day of the trial. He’s currently on probation for alcohol violations, harassment, and file sharing of The Italian Job. OIT fired him from their services for a clear pattern of only assisting freshmen girls with attractive facebook pictures, as well as emails to the entire RCA training program complaining about the lack of hot OIT assistants. I would say his romantic endeavors earn him something but the girl he put in a headlock in a Miami club and the club’s bouncers might not agree. Ryan Foss doesn’t deserve an issue for any reason whatsoever but it might be funny anyway.

William Wachter ‘08

It is my sincere pleasure to recommend William Wachter ’08 for your “single kid” issue. While Will is a relatively unknown freshman (a mere 34 views on the Princeton Online Facebook), I truly believe that he would provide more than enough material for an entire Nass issue. The following is list of cool things I know about Will Wachter:

1) The Princeton Facebook Agency did a poor job cropping his photo

(regrettably, they made him look a little like former Washington Bullets’ center and “My Giant” star Gheorghe Muresan — whom he doesn’t even resemble in real life).

2) In fact, rather than Gheorghe Muresan, he looks like John Cusack. Some of his friends actually call him “Cusack,” which annoys him.

3) He is a stand-up comic.

4) He is in charge of scheduling for the Whig-Cliosophic Society, a position he is in because he loves “power.”

5) He wants to get a PhD for one reason: to be known as Doctor Wachter.

6) He is from New Jersey, but originally from Louisiana.

This kid is fascinating; there is way more to be discovered. You could give him his big break. Do not pass up this opportunity to create a star.

Ivana King ’08

Haha, this sounds so funny so I thought what the hell, might as well give it a try. Let’s see, I have 7 roommates and I’m on the varsity tennis team. That’s like the trivial stuff, why should the Nassau be devoted to me? Hmm, good question. Um because not that many people can say that they graduated from Long Beach Polytechnic High School, high school to Snoop Dogg, Nate Dogg, and Warren G (I ‘m pretty sure Warren went there), as well as Cameron Diaz, and Billy Jean King. Yeah, pretty ghetto, though I don’t think I should really be proud of that. (the ghetto-ness, that is). Some might get offended, ah well. It’s the truth. Um, we had the most NFL players come from our high school out of all the high schools in the country in 2004 (http://www.nflhs.com/News/Features/2004NFLRosters_10132004_sim.asp )

Okay less school, more me. Gee, can’t say much academically, wasn’t really into the DECA and math club/science stuff . . Yet ironically I’m here at Princeton. What can I say, Princeton likes a little diversity now and then, just kidding. I’m kinda crazy, not as in lets go see if drinking while intoxicating is fun, but more like, I talk a mile a minute, really hyper kinda girl. For the first few weeks, if ppl see me, they’ll think I’m just another quiet girl. It’s only if they know me, do they know just how loco I can be. Crazy sleeping schedule (sleep during day, work during night, though I’m changing it because it kinda puts a damper on my tennis especially since it is season right now-you’ve prolly guessed that I’ve missed a lot of classes), anime freak, lazy as hell, etc . . .

So.… reason? I think I’m a unique sorta individual with an interesting background as a varsity athlete (only 4’11”) who has the energy of the EnergyBunny and went to a public school that had the fortune to be the host to Snoop Dogg (drop it like it’s hot!) and other famous athletes (yeah powerhouse in sports esp. football) like Gene Washington, Willie McGinest, Tony Gwynn, Stanford’s Chris Lewis as well as actress Cameron Diaz, and Billie Jean King.

WILL RYAN FOSS, WILL WACHTER, OR IVANA KING BE THE NASSAU WEEKLY’S SINGLE KID? READERS: THE DECISION IS IN YOUR HANDS. Email your votes (subject line containing your candidate’s name) to: Editors@beta.beta.beta.nassauweekly.com by Monday, 4/25 at 11:00 pm.