Giving out extra passes
is like donating to the Salvation Army

Like giving away Gucci and Vineyard Vines, pink ties with
whale print from J.McLaughlin —I won’t miss any of these items

at the TI/Ivy Olympics,

Before I have tenure
or a tolerance like Dionysus

Before I was, like, strict with my ideologies
Before I went to the mountains and they told me to sell bonds

Philosophy is just my side-gig
The thing is,
Plato too was cashwhipped                      — senior with finance certificate

Overheard, Terrace: Wait, what’s your quintile?
You’re really smart, just don’t have an opinion on this
I’m writing my Prince column about it

I mean
I’m thinking about                  the diminishing returns:
The New Yorker is not hiring editorial interns for the summer,

the social equivalent of burning $100  (an eighth!)?

we won’t advocate
unless absolutely necessary

Nass freshman, defensively: I didn’t come to Princeton
having enough Express points to feed a small country

And I’m not expecting you to have empathy, but
My parents didn’t              go to college
play music at weddings
grow up saying

                                                                            I feel like having a trust fund could be stressful
Oh, it definitely is not
just put 50 million aside and say, “This is my play money”

After all, I was partly raised at dinner parties,

still cashwhipped, just

                               with leadership qualities
taking out a line of credit—

Wait, speaking of eugenics,
have you heard my new startup ideas?

1)  A horseback-riding summer camp selling seersucker pajamas

2)  Hosing the Dalai Lama

3)  Being glad to be white

Overheard, TI: Yeah, out of all my professors, my favorite
has to have been my Mother —
No other class steeled me like hers did

Trenton           the Third World            the Ivy Olympics

In the nation’s service
There’s one worst case scenario: they steal your jacket
And in the service of humanity
you Uber home.