1. I love too hard
  2. I went on two dates with a Magic Castle magician
  3. I get hard when professors say my question was good
  4. I like to watch Gilmore Girls and imagine what it’s like to be white
  5. I believed in Santa Claus until the age of 10 (I’m Jewish)
  6. Ass too fat
  7. Money too tall
  8. Smoke too different
  9. Pussy too bomb
  10. My boobs are so big and perky
  11. Everything I touch turns to gold
  12. Trauma from a toxic relationship with the art form of musical theater spanning 2 decades
  13. I have serious opinions about bagels
  14. I own several Criterion Blu Rays
  15. I vape as a joke
  16. My life is tied to a cursed piece of kindling. Should it burn I shall perish
  17. I use tumblr
  18. I pay for psychic advice
  19. I can’t help myself
  20. My birth was televised on TLC
  21. I watch America’s Got Talent Golden Buzzer compilations just to feel something
  22. I didn’t learn to ride a bike until I was 15
  23. I used to think the Middle East was near Japan
  24. I took two gap years and now I’m soooo old like I’m so much older and more mature than all my peers it’s like I’m surrounded by children all the time it’s so hard
  25. I look at people and imagine I’m making them explode with my mind
  26. I look at exploding people and imagine them in their underwear (I’m nervous)
  27. Gay
  28. I don’t believe in therapy
  29. Who’s asking?
  30. Everything changed for me after the incident
  31. Inside me is a pebble I shoved up my nose
  32. I still believe in the American dream
  33. I don’t wear shower shoes
  34. My favorite post-seminar treat is a cigarette
  35. I’m always playing smart
  36. I never play, I only am
  37. I’m always playing The Book of Mormon (the musical) in my head
  38. I have my mother’s eyes
  39. EIC of my high school’s feminist magazine
  40. Medically giant tonsils
  41. Product of colonialism
  42. New money
  43. Child of immigrants
  44. I sent my vape through the wash
  45. Eastern European
  46. I’m friends with an Orange Key Tour Guide
  47. I took a stand up comedy class in 10th grade
  48. Lost all my pens so I write in those little library golf pencils
  49. Associate Satire Editor Emeritus for The Daily Princetonian
  50. I emigrated
  51. I’m not so sure I can imagine Sisyphus happy
  52. Would do anything (anything) for a Delta skymile
  53. I’d rather be pitied than feared
  54. Cried to the Peter Griffin parody of Creep
  55. I am a champagne socialist
  56. I’m physically incapable of not having deeply intimate painfully romantic gentle sex
  57. Medically tight pussy
  58. French
  59. Feel uncomfortable when people talk to their pets like humans
  60. Thought class readings were mandatory until senior year of college
  61. Used to think everyone was Jewish
  62. Used to think sex was two people pressing their lower bodies together and then just leaving it like that until pregnant
  63. Continually searching for someone to grab my ass
  64. Still hold grudge against my high school boyfriend’s Russian dad
  65. Wear ripped underwear that’s just loose strings across my buttcheeks
  66. Preach love but adore gossip
  67. In an improv group
  68. Drinks coffee black
  69. Was told that I have the spine of a much older woman (and not in a sexy way)
  70. Trail off mid sentence
  71. Once milked 85 cows with my dad in one afternoon
  72. Was bullied by a skinny girl named Pailey
  73. Plagued by creative genius
  74. Have same nightmare from childhood where I’m being chased and my powers of flight are failing me
  75. When I get high I take notes of everything that occurs
  76. Was banned from watching iCarly as a kid because I was starting to model my behavior after Sam Puckett
  77. I think it’s hot when someone is in an a cappella group
  78. I have ADHD and am affected by the Adderall shortage
  79. I don’t have ADHD and am also affected
  80. A SPIA grad student gave me back problems
  81. Praise kink
  82. I do slam poetry
  83. Slam poetry makes me squeamish
  84. Born with a tail
  85. I am the twin that was eaten in the womb
  86. Chronic fear of falling into (and getting stuck in) wells
  87. The font on my phone is on the large setting
  88. I refuse to get corrective lenses for my bad vision because they aren’t my vibe
  89. I wear blue light glasses
  90. I have yet to wash my water bottle
  91. I use British English in writing but inconsistently
  92. I watch South Tower collision footage when I’m high
  93. I don’t smoke because I like to be in control of my body
  94. I’m more of an Operation Desert Storm guy myself
  95. Told my professor I miss him when asking for a letter of recommendation
  96. I read the daily Quora digest
  97. Got too high at the Triangle Show
  98. Was sober at the Triangle Show
  99. I get drunk on communion wine with my cousin after church
  100. I believe that a $7 latte will heal me
  101. I’m too soulful
  102. I don’t understand harmonizing
  103. I think I could have been a child star and dealt with the trauma in a way that didn’t lead to drug abuse and a public meltdown
  104. I used to think a Hegel was the exercise that keep your pussy right
  105. I have vivid sex flashbacks in my comp lit seminars