1. Graph humor

2. “Does America Have Too Many Nurses or Not Enough?”: _The Slatest_

3. Visual learners

4. Trail blazers

5. People who are culturally insensitive to my opinions

6. The disgusting cover letter and resume I sent to Secret Necessities, escort service

7. The weird white lady who works at CVS. You know which one I’m talking about.

8. The way Ronnie treats Sammy

9. Steampunk mustaches

10. I’m obsessed with Tumblr!

11. When my heavy Aunt Flo started appearing on Progressive commercials

12. Zumba class with mom; or, ass tassels

13. Bros who are actually brothers

14. A boater’s floater in a Cloister toilet

15. The party-scented Yankee candle by Andrew W.K.

16. Vintage boobs

17. Relationship Status: Single

Interested In: Lasers

18. Your dog’s flaring asshole

19. People having fun at Wesleyan

20. Your cellphone background, it’s a photograph of Shakira

21. Brandon McGinley, thinker

22. DAMN!!! THIS PACKAGE FROM AMAZON CAME IN LIKE SIX HOURS!!! #poorlypredictedkanyetweets @azizansari

23. “Is Marx Back?”: _New Left Review_

24. “Marx is Back!”: _National Review_

25. “Don’t you ever wake up with those little red marks on your back?”: _The View_

26. Lunch dates conducted en français

27. George Clooney’s painfully obvious desire to be an international superspy

28. The Caveman-Shotgun Lemonade-Champagne Eco-Atkins Ultra-Simple Dye It Die It Diet

29. My wet dream about the girl who huffs computer cleaner on _Intervention_

30. Kid-Prop Jamboree at Frist

31. Stress, Princeton’s unit of exchange value

32. The annual Terrace post-graduation mass exodus to Williamsburg

33. Your wireless internet password

34. Cool sunglasses

35. The true meaning behind _Inception_: an allegory of Fellini’s _8 ½_

36. Your Fulbright iPhone app

37. Non-bros trying to ice other non-bros. Leave it to the bros.

38. Actual chillwaves

39. Soft or hard water

40. Soft or hard penises

41. Finding out my little sister is a fangbanger

42. Refusing to go to Trenton

43. “Task Forces”

44. My boyfriend mentioning that my blue eyes match my gray skin

45. Don Cheadle’s sequel to _Hotel Rwanda_, _Hotel for Dogs_

46. You, jogging (me, hungry!)

47. Homepage multimedia

48. Ralph Lauren presents the First Shoppable Children’s Storybook, narrated by Harry Connick Jr.

49. Comedians who yell

50. Dogs who age

51. Really tan couples

52. Anyone who just searched the App Store for “Fulbright”

53. Boys who casually play the song “Hallelujah” on their guitars 

54. And then try to hook up with you

55. Radio stations that still play Nickelback

56. National parks that don’t allow motor vehicles, but do allow helicopter tours

57. My soiled underwear on your bedroom floor

58. _The Artist is Absent_: a contemporaneous retrospective of the retrospective _The Artist is Present_

59. Cam’ron discussing his IBS

60. ABC continuing to harvest organs from the _Lost_ carcass

61. My mom’s Blackberry

62. My dad’s hugs

63. My preceptor’s one blazer 

64. The time I tried out for Orange Key and accidentally got into Tower

65. The social taboo against crying in public

66. The social taboo against analingusing in public

67. “The Next Justin Bieber”

68. The five million dollars The Situation is making this year

69. Things that cannot be dubstep remixed (Astroturf, verbs, most non-fiction, _Spider-Man 2_, cotton)

70. The piss-tasting beer I just pissed onto my roommate’s bed

71. Josh Weinstein, “connecting student bodies” since please stop

72. Lady Gaga’s meat wallet softly closing over my thick metal hook

73. The Ground Zero Masque (starring Rick Lazio)

74. Rappers who mispronounce a word to rhyme and start the next line with “oops, I mean”

75.  “0% APR”; or, watching television

76. “How many eyes does this baby have?”; or, using Facebook

77. People older or younger than me

78. A magical encounter between man and horse

79. Good sources of fiber

80. When people say, “oh my god, that came out so wrong!”

81. Questions _New York_ magazine asked me before I could ask myself (“Why am I Sometimes Sad as a Mom?” and “Is my Baby Racist?”)

82. My racist baby

83. Thetarific photo shoots in Prospect Garden

84. Bigots so lazy they don’t get around to stabbing Muslims until they’re back in the news

85. The time I put coke in my coffee and Splenda up my nose

86. The time on _Top Chef_ I forgot to render my duck fat properly

87. My mom’s suggestion that I take a year off to get to know my muscles

88. _Sisterhood of the Traveling Diapers_ starring Danny DeVito, Betty White, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Blake Lively

89. They made a television show out of a Twitter feed.

90. Everyone always chewing gum all the time

91. My salacious grandpa

92. Butterfly hair clips

93. “Butterfly” by Crazy Town

94. Your story about your John Nash sighting. Except that one about Nash in the elevator with SAE pledges. Tell that one again please!

95. Certificate sluts

96. That time my spaceship was fueled by the deaths of 54 million indigenous people

97. Ja Rule’s comeback

98. My guardian angel telling me I’m not worth it anymore

99. Your crushingly mediocre boner

100. Obama’s crushing mediocrity