he Ivies certainly have their fame across the academic landscape, but what about within the Ivies themselves? What is each known for, famous for, infamous for? After climbing aboard the Ivy stereotype train, I chatted with some fellow Princetonians on our excursion to unearth the commonly accepted truths, or perhaps misconceptions, about each of the eight ivies in comparison to our own comely orange bubble. We produced a caricature for each. Are we close, or far away from the truth? The answer, fellow Tiger, is for you to decide. So climb aboard! We are about to open Pandora’s box:

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Columbia Slummies

Yes. These are the four-eyed, skinny-jeaned, red-lipsticked (only if it’s a chick), urban outfitter/free peopled, rustic bootied, coffee grasped in mittened hand and a leather sling bag slung over one shoulder anomalies of the world who condense into basement cafes itching for fame: the likes of Allen Ginsberg or JD Salinger. Drugs are optional. Only if it helps the creative process. Oh, and so are jobs after graduation. That can wait after the first book is published. In all seriousness, besides the P-town Prepsters, these Columbia artsters may be my personal favorite.

UPenn __________

Who cares? Penn State? But honestly, if you don’t go to materialistic gold-loving Wharton, we don’t have much else to say to you. Except that for the most part you seem like easy-going people, and your dining halls have some kickin-ass food. No competition though.

Harvard [Dishonst] Prestige Sluts

‘Nuff said.

If you were just a little less stuffy and a little more normal, we could actually be friends! (Disclaimer: Facebook friends of course. Not the other kind of friends in case you were confused. But we’d just hate for you to sit around in an anxiety attack the whole evening waiting for our confirmation of your friend request…So let’s just save it for another time.)

Dartmouth Alcoholic Fratsters & the Color Green

Whenever we think of Dartmouth, we always think of the color green. Just had to put that in there. Some suggestions for the snowy winter—take care of each other, don’t drink excessive amounts of vodka like the Russians. Anything in excess can be dangerous. You know the drill.

Princeton Prepsters

Okay, in case you didn’t know, we have the fucking sickest lawn parties ever. And no, “lawn parties” does not exactly imply old British men playing crochet or badminton in tight white shorts while the ladies are sipping tea under a parasol, although there certainly exists a connection. There is usually another beverage provided, amidst the explosion of boat shoes, colorful shorts, and Lilly Pulitzers sundresses, as we unleash our inner prepsters. But what most people actually don’t know is that there is actually a reason why so many of our halls look like Hogwarts—beyond our prepster façade, the majority of the student population are also secretly wizards, witches, and warlocks. You just don’t see our magic until we experimentally unleash them late every Thursday and Saturday night…But that’s another story.

All of Yale’s Sweet Legacy Children

Only two words— George Bush. George Bush.

Brown Enlightened “Pot-Smokers”

“So, Alan— you doing the usual?” “Oh, you mean smoking pot with Chris on the common room couch? Nah, that’s getting old. I think a bunch of us are heading down to the hookah bar tonight— wanna come?” “Hell yeah, man— I even heard that the school pays subsidies to the local hookah places as a means of diversion for the students— the Satisfactory/No-Credit policy here can get so damn stressful at times, ya know?” “Yeah totally dude. Oh, and I got some shrooms for Sunday morning, so we can sit beneath the pines and get enlightened…”

Cornell Workaholic Nature Lovers

“Ooo, looks like Chris got SIPP. It’s going around the school, everyone’s getting SIPP!” Every time we visit, we are always surprised by the amount of SIPP going on at Cornell. SIPP as in Sleeping In Public Places. Not that kind of “sleeping” (get your mind out of the gutter!) but like actual drooling sleeping. Apparently you don’t find it awkward. We do. But, as one Cornellian kindly told us, “Respect the sleeping people. Even the ones that start to drool with their mouth open, head turned up towards the ceiling. If you come here, it’ll be you one day.” Good advice, good advice. Other than that, Cornellians do have a “gorges” view (except for the nets) and spectacular distances to walk to class in the snow… so envious.

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So there it is, fellow Tiger. Are you laughing like a fool, or shaking your fist at my foolishness? Caricatures are always to be taken with a little pinch of salt. From a little inkling of an idea, images are blown up and perpetuated and become commonplace—and so truth becomes fiction, and fiction becomes fact.

Keep this in mind, fellow P-town wizard, the next time you perform a little hocus-pocus. There’s more to everything than simply meets the eye, and more to our fellow ivy-leaguers than what simply meets their stereotype. But anyways, there’s always one thing these caricatures are really good for—a laugh to carry you through your day.