Dear Readers,

Have you stopped to think about the biblical roots of idiocy? The disciples really were the prototypes for the moron in front of you at the supermarket who takes so long to write a check that you can actually see her hair follicles growing. But don’t get angry, just think about what Jesus had to put up with every day.

Take the eighth chapter of Mark as recorded in the Medium Rare Nass Extra-Sensitive Annotated Bible, in which Christ feeds the multitudes.

8:1 In those days, when there was again a large crowd and they had nothing to eat, Jesus called His disciples and said to them, 2 “I feel compassion for the people because they have remained with Me now three days and have nothing to eat….4 And His disciples answered Him, “Where will anyone be able to find enough bread here in this desolate place to satisfy these people?” 5 And He was asking them rather smugly, “How many loaves do you have?” And they said, “Seven.” 6 And He directed the people to sit down on the ground; and taking the seven loaves, He gave thanks and broke them…7 They also had a few small fish; and after He had blessed them, He ordered these to be served as well. 8 And they ate and were satisfied; and they picked up seven large baskets full of what was left over of the broken pieces. 9 About four thousand were there; and He sent them away. 10 And immediately He entered the boat with His disciples.

11 And they had forgotten to take bread,

Jesus Christ, thinks Jesus. In five minutes, they loose seven baskets of bread. Who are these people and why are they following me?

…and did not have more than one loaf in the boat with them. 12 And He was giving orders to them, saying, “Watch out! Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and don’t hit that rock!” 13 They began to discuss with one another the fact that they had no bread.

Just don’t crash the boat. I’ll take care of lunch.

14 And Jesus, aware of this, said to them, “Why do you discuss the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet see or understand? Do you have a hardened heart? 15 “HAVING EYES, DO YOU NOT SEE? AND HAVING EARS, DO YOU NOT HEAR? And do you not remember, 16 when I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces you picked up?”

Guys, do you really not remember what happened like five minutes ago when I made all that bread for 5,000 people, most of which you managed to loose between there and the boat? I feed thousands of people with two fish and you don’t thinking I can make freakin’ sandwiches for thirteen. I’m God, give me some credit here.

17 “When I broke the seven for the four thousand, how many large baskets full of broken pieces did you pick up and apparently leave somewhere?” And they said to Him, “Seven.” 18 And He was saying to them, “Do you still not understand?”

The Peace of the Lord Be with You and Get a God Dam Credit Card Lady,

-The Eds.