Category: Humor

Welcome to Our Study

Take off your underwire bra and your prison tattoos. Thank you. Put in these earplugs please. You’ll hear us; we’ll speak very loudly and with gestures.

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Battle of the Bedbugs

Rejoice, my comrades! Today has been a truly glorious day in the history of our intrepid battalion. From the moment we were deployed at the peak of summer heat, to our present landing as the season has begun to wane, our mission has been blessed by our Lord, the Great Bed-Crawler. All bow to His Bloodiness.

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Group Ecology

Welfome to Princhips, where it’s reproductive season again. A group of horny superorganisms called student groups are vying for your attention and panting for your consent.

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Intimacy

Jeremy and Linda lay in bed. Jeremy was shirtless, and Linda had her head nestled against his left nipple. His arm reached around her back, stroking her shoulder affectionately.

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100 Things to Do at Princeton

1. Shirley Tilghman and Christopher Eisgruber, at the same time.

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Nass 100

100 things the staff of the Nass doesn’t want to see again next year: So much self-loathing staring back out of the mirror My love handles My puffy cheeks My cankles Food My third nipple Uncircumcised penises Uncircumcised vaginas The … Read More

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Campus Map of Rap

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127 Unclaimed Rap Names

The Crying Game DJ Yung Educated But Unemployed Lil Drummer Boy Sofresh n’ Soclean Dion Adonis Morissette D(ean)J Rapelye Rudeboy Giuliani Duncan Hoy-Z Lil Peni$ Lil Italy Lil Lion Man Lil Caesars Pizza Kings ?uest Missy Eliot Linton Missy Michelle … Read More

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100 Things to Do Before Coming to Princeton

One million push-ups. Read every book ever. Join a frat. Build a fort. Get a bold new haircut. Set fire to the rain. Lose 15-60 pounds. Lose appendix. Lose virginity. Make love. Make two people cry in one night. Show every … Read More

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A Day in This Life

Beep Beep. Sun’s up 9:32. Ugh. Going to hit snooze button—where is snooze button? Let’s just palm entire alarm clock and see what happens. Beeeeeep. 9:41. Was that really nine minutes?

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Facial Hair, Don’t Care

While brainstorming what to give up for Lent, my friend Spencer suggested foregoing facial hair. This would probably be an entirely inconsequential Lenten sacrifice for the vast majority of the male population. For a stubborn, barely post-pubescent boy such as myself, however, this is no easy endeavor. For some inscrutable reason, and to the consternation of friends and family, I persist in growing absolutely disgusting facial hair.

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The Lapse

When a boy reaches a certain age, he can make mistakes that stay with him for much longer than one night. It was the third day of frosh week, and I was a wide-eyed freshman reveling in the newfound freedom of college life.

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