Byline: Anonymous

The Last List

It’s the apocalypse, and in its last death rattle, the illustrious Nassau Weekly decides to leave one more gift to humanity, to create the only remembrance of our time on earth, to cement an eternal legacy—to publish THE LAST LIST.

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Poem for Tim Faust, who said that poems shouldn’t be about flowers

This poem not about flowers just goes to show how far we’ve come since the days when people could practically not think without a daffodil, when in poetry a rose was not yet just a rose but always stood for … Read More

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Combing through the Dogpile

Alpha Dog, Nick Cassavetes’s new guns-‘n’-posses yarn, is predictably bad. That is to say, it fails where one might expect it to fail: cuts are alternately languid and meth-fueled, the dialogue stilted or overly gangish. In case you’re wondering, Justin … Read More

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21 Club

Binge drinking in secrecy.

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The Verse Debate, Part 2

Or rather, your notion of the face in Baudelaire is evasive. Poetry’s stock has fallen; that of the novel, the short story—that of prose—has risen. The New Yorker and The New York Review of Books have run articles addressing the … Read More

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Total Clipse of the Heart

People – especially dopey, two-months-behind-the-times columnists like the New Yorker’s Sasha Frere-Jones – love making sweeping pronouncements about the nature of hip-hop. Music is a manifestation of the human creative spirit; it is born of a whole slew of political … Read More

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Hello, My Name Is ______.

I was seventeen. A senior second semester saturated with drugs, alcohol and bad decisions written off as “youth” had ended in a hospital bed on prom night, and, subsequently, in daily, forced AA meetings. I’d thought I was on top of the world: going to an Ivy League school, surrounded by friends, graduating top of my class.

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Shit I’ve Been Doing

I know, I know, I haven’t written in a long while, but I wish for Chrissakes you’d stop yammering on about it. I have obligations, obli-fucking-gations, and there’s no getting around them. If you think for one second that I’m … Read More

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Shaking My Hips Dolefully

Beirut played at Terrace this Sunday. You might have heard him. You might even have been there, drinking, doing your thing. The place was crowded.

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An E-mail I Received from Barack Obama, Democratic Nominee for President of America

Dear Chris—

We’ve done it!

Or rather, I’ve done it—successfully completed my first debate with Sen. John McCain, whom I refer to as ‘John’ in order to seem familiar and approachable and non-Muslim.

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#what’s love

“They say love is accepting one another as is, marveling at the imperfections and delighting at the quirks.”

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Our favorite ideal ideologues

1.Suzanne Westbrook 2.Jesus of Nazareth 3.Julian the Apostate 4.Robbie George 5.Stefan McDaniel 6.Martin Heidegger 7.Mammon, God of Wealth 8.Paul of Tarsus 9.Sara Viola 10.John Maynard Keynes 11.Hannah Arendt 12.Will ‘The Scharf’s Scharf’ Scharf 13.Karl Marx 14.Harold Graham Parker III / … Read More

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