Byline: Anonymous

Seeking Out the Greats

Princeton University is a warped, funhouse mirror image of Hollywood, where the oldest and least attractive people are the stars and the beautiful children of privilege pay high prices to stand briefly in their presence. Like Princeton, Hollywood is a … Read More

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In Mammoriam

Between Fort Lauderdale and Miami lies the mid-size city of Hollywood, Florida, population 138,412. It’s an unassuming beach-front place in the regional mode. Encompassed are ten or so diners, several miles of coastline, several miles more of T-shirt and puka-shell … Read More

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Combing through the Dogpile

Alpha Dog, Nick Cassavetes’s new guns-‘n’-posses yarn, is predictably bad. That is to say, it fails where one might expect it to fail: cuts are alternately languid and meth-fueled, the dialogue stilted or overly gangish. In case you’re wondering, Justin … Read More

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Letter from the Editors

We here at The Nassau Weekly love to hate the The Prince. Yet as the events surrounding the Printsanything scandal unfolded, we found that even our cold hearts were moved to sympathy. Sure, the Gaily Printsanything made us all shudder … Read More

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Lines Removed From a Eulogy

And what’s more there’d be too much to tell, with his folded-up face and our proximity, the fact that we’d lived so close to each other growing up, that in high school we’d mostly talk to the same girls and … Read More

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Shit I’ve Been Doing

I know, I know, I haven’t written in a long while, but I wish for Chrissakes you’d stop yammering on about it. I have obligations, obli-fucking-gations, and there’s no getting around them. If you think for one second that I’m … Read More

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Single and Desperate

Daring, bold 5’9″ Jewish M with extreme good looks has decided not to be daring and bold by placing an ad for a similarly attractive F, height < 5'8". Think Annie Hall for a better looking, more bold and daring Alvy Singer. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it might not work.

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Perspectives on the Midterms

On CNN, I think, the election night coverage was titled ‘America Votes.’ I was watching and a friend next to me said, “No, it doesn’t.” At face value, the descriptive statement ‘America Votes’ is false. America really doesn’t vote, at … Read More

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All You Ever Wanted to Know About MMORPGs

The inspiration for this guide struck me with its +4 Fire Damage Hammer of Glor’goth when I realized just how much of the day I spend talking about MMORPGs alone, never mind playing. I cannot claim complete authority on this diverse topic, but for you, dear reader, I shall elucidate some of those peculiar things you might have heard that group of strange non-J.Crew-clad folk babbling about at the dining table next to yours.

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A Paean to Woods and Death

On autumn Sundays my parents would fuck wildly, like children. I remember this vividly. It was November and the air had begun to turn to steel. The turn was final. Pennsylvania does this each year—dies, maybe before Halloween, maybe after, … Read More

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Muldoon, Between the Tropics

To read good poetry is to pull a Band-Aid off a wound. I heard someone say that once. Not a big wound, maybe just a paper-cut, where the skin puffs pink and new. When we remove the covering we return … Read More

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When I was 16, I was Hot

The first months of freshman year went by so quickly. I hooked up with the guy who became my boyfriend within days of arriving on campus, and my friends and I managed to garner the attention of what seemed like … Read More

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