Category: Uncategorized

New York’s Little Secret

As anyone who lives in New York and keeps abreast of food fads knows, the intersection of Clinton and Bay by the Red Hook soccer fields is the place to be if you’re a street grub aficionado, and are from … Read More

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The Nass 100

1. Natalee Holloway. 2. James Taylor, and the giant pussies who love James Taylor. 3. Wasps who give “spiels”. 4. My roommates using my Ann Coulter poster as a jizz-rag. 5. That one kid who finished Infinite Jest. 6. Vaguely … Read More

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The Bad Sex Contest

He swept her off her feet like a stallion sweeping a girl off her feet, and laid her gently down on the bed like a gentle eagle.
�It�s time,� he said, and she knew that it was true. She had been waiting so long. But now, after waiting, it was time for him to rip his clothes off, and then rip her clothes off

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The Death of the Annex and its Ascension

Out of all the streets in the world stretching from Nevsky Prospekt in St. Petersburg to Lombard Street in San Francisco, I have spent the most time traversing Witherspoon and Nassau here in my hometown of Princeton, watching the dynamic of businesses, the ebb and flow of success and decline.

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The Car Tree Game

There’s a man claiming to have seen a giant squid. He says it came up close to the edge of the bay, swimming in T-waves, and shaking a little bit. He says it probably would have eaten him alive, but that he got away just in time.

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La Vie Bohomo

Last weekend, I went to see the new movie version of Rent….The movie, like the play, is immensely self-congratulatory about its “edge,” and specifically its “queerness,” its portrayal of just these kinds of crazy gay things. I found it funny, because it made me wonder how much of the way I know how to act in gay relationships (and pseudo-relationships) was learned from Rent in the first place.

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The Wine of Astonishment

“Church music” for a Haitian in Trenton means a trumpet player dressed like Miles Davis, a twelve-year-old boy on a drum set, a trombonist, and a lady in purple wailing, singing, shouting, and dancing like Aretha Franklin. No droning organ … Read More

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Tune Every Heart and Every Soul

Nearly every object in the Princeton University Chapel has been given in someone’s memory. Names of dead Princetonians are etched on the backs of pews, on plaques at the bases of statues, on the very stones that form the Chapel … Read More

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Commercial Christianity

Toward the end of June, as the dog-days of summer fell upon New York City suddenly and definitely, I made a religious pilgrimage to Corona Park, Queens, to see Billy Graham’s supposedly Last Crusade. Riding a crowded 7 train out to Queens I felt a palpable sense of excitement….It was like going to a Mets game, only more diverse.

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Nasty Culture

The President of Italy and his three friends, a Duke, a Magistrate and a Bishop, sit at the head of a table surrounded by teenage SS officers, a few older women, and about twenty young boys and girls. Some of the youths are dressed in suits and dresses, others in their underwear, while still others sit naked. A nude girl emerges from the kitchen with a large tray of steaming shit…
~and~
There is a neighborhood on the outskirts of a city with a lousy bar and grimy brick buildings and orange lamps in the alleys. There are towns where in the deep hours of night cars prowl the streets full of dumb menace. Vague criminals and edgy losers grope at women dressed in cheap finery and the sex is drunken and ugly and brief…

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Princeton Cemetery: Can You Dig It?

…The gravedigger’s laugh turns to hacking as he takes off his soiled gloves and exposes his hands, which are caked with cemetery earth…

Come closer, come closer (my pretty, my sweet): let me feel your weight on my chest, the rubber soles of your sneakers marking my skin pink. I feel you, lingering, some feet away—hesitant, glancing shyly at this patch of grass, not raising your eyes to the stone that marks it…

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Transatlantic Cruising

For a kid with a fear of the dark, public bathrooms, flying, and dying alone, I embarked intrepidly on a transatlantic cruise that mirrored the intended route of the ill-fated Titanic of 1912 from port at Southampton to New York … Read More

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