JESUS

Either someone plays Mahomet or I quit!

MOSES

But you’re not taking into account the risks that that imports. If you make an actor incarnate Mahomet you’ll have fifteen thousand fatwahs on your back.

JESUS

When I do theatre, I expose myself to criticism, not fatwahs. And besides, what’s a fatwah?

AUTHOR

In this case, it’s being condemned to death by the high Islamic council.

JESUS

When I take a job, I take it all the way. That is republican freedom. And we depend on the Republic, not the high Islamic council.

MOSES

I think you just refuse to understand…

JESUS

No, it’s you who doesn’t understand. Only Muslims go to the mosque, only Jews go to the synagogue, only Christians go to church. And admission is free. At the theatre, we’re all here: Jews, Christians, Muslims, the secular, the non-believers….and they paid for their seats. How can you say “I can’t portray Mahomet onstage because it would offend the Muslims in the audience”?

AUTHOR

Portraying him would show disrespect to all Muslims around the world.

JESUS

The theatre is a space of freedom. Period.

AUTHOR

It is not my fault that Mahomet only responds to the summoning of God, that he only shows himself to God and not to me.

MOSES

But, my dear author, if you are not capable of inventing the character who has a right to his say in this matter, then you are not an author. Because at the theatre, you can’t talk about a character that is theatrically absent.

AUTHOR

In Hamlet the father isn’t present. He’s an absent character.

MOSES

Yes, but Hamlet is there! We’re not asking you to show us God, just his prophet.

ACTOR JESUS

OK. Either you play Mahomet or I quit!

AUTHOR

And you, Moses?

ACTOR MOSES

Firstly, I am no longer Moses, because I feel that we are acting just as pathetic as a poorly done prophecy. Secondly, he’s right. Someone has to play Mahomet, otherwise we’ll all look like imbeciles.

ACTOR JESUS

You wrote it. You play it.

AUTHOR

I don’t know if I can take it that far.

ACTOR JESUS

Then why did you write it?

AUTHOR

To attempt to do it.

ACTOR JESUS

It isn’t possible that you won’t be able to.

AUTHOR

I don’t know why, but I sense that it is absolutely crucial for me to play the role of Mahomet. This necessity is as strong as my incapacity to do it.

ACTOR JESUS

But when you wrote him, you had to have an image of Mahomet in your head, a representation, an idea, an icon…?

AUTHOR

When I wrote him, I saw him in my head for what he was: brown skinned, long hair, small in stature, proud, a deep, dark gaze, charismatic. I even imagined him entering over there. (He begins to play the part of the entering prophet) At that moment, the audience got to their feet and said: “God is great and Mahomet is His prophet.’

ACTOR JESUS

You write lines for the audience as well?

AUTHOR

Since I couldn’t imagine how an actor would interpret him, I couldn’t truly envision him. The crowd would welcome him, and then punctuate the end of each of his lines with “God is great!”

ACTOR JESUS

Yes, but who is writing this text? You, or God?

AUTHOR

If the prophet arrives, it couldn’t help but be true. And if it were true, it could only be in the Koran. I couldn’t write any text for him.

ACTOR JESUS

Oh, this gets better and better! Not only are you incapable of playing him, but you tell us that you are incapable of writing his text!

AUTHOR

If I could write him, then I could also play him. If I don’t play him, it’s because he can only say that which God told him to say. To write a part for Mahomet is to re-write the Koran. Do you understand? In order to write the Koran, you would have to be God. And seeing as I am not God, well, you can imagine…