1. One million push-ups.
  2. Read every book ever.
  3. Join a frat.
  4. Build a fort.
  5. Get a bold new haircut.
  6. Set fire to the rain.
  7. Lose 15-60 pounds.
  8. Lose appendix.
  9. Lose virginity.
  10. Make love.
  11. Make two people cry in one night.
  12. Show every naysayer your acceptance letter.
  13. Firmly solidify self-worth.
  14. Prepare to be demoralized.
  15. Get circumcised.
  16. Visit your friends in August to see what your life might have been like.
  17. Choose your major and complete all future independent work.
  18. Make summer 2014, ‘15, and ‘16 plans.
  19. Pay two hobos to fight each other.
  20. Own weed.
  21. Despair of all the unworthy males around you.
  22. Prepare to meet your husband.
  23. Reserve a date for your wedding in the Princeton Chapel.
  24. Watch A Beautiful Mind.
  25. Read This Side of Paradise.
  26. Get an Ivy passbook.
  27. Institute bicker in whatever high school organization you led to get into Princeton.
  28. Write a shitty high school paper so you get a sense of what grade deflation feels like.
  29. Seek out and befriend the most active people on the class of 2017 Facebook group.
  30. Go through the 2017 Facebook group and find all the hot girls in your grade.
  31. Send naked pictures of yourself to all the hot girls in your grade.
  32. Complain about how hard it is to choose between Harvard-Yale-Princeton-Stanford.
  33. Pretend you’re considering attending Duke over all of them.
  34. Sleep.
  35. Pull an all-nighter.
  36. Figure out “what you be.”
  37. Learn to say “a college in New Jersey,” you pretentious fuck.
  38. Learn how to pronounce the names of every major author and thinker.
  39. Learn names and faces of relevant upperclassmen.
  40. Learn your drinking limits.
  41. Transcend them, recover, and extend them.
  42. Pull another all-nighter just to see if you can.
  43. Cultivate a nascent interest in banking and consulting.
  44. Start a nonprofit that provides micro-loans to widowed women in Sub-Saharan Africa.
  45. Draw penises on your AP exam free response sections.
  46. Practice giving alumni donations.
  47. Get that boob job (or at least that boob internship).
  48. Put Ol’ Bandit down.
  49. Buy a pool full of liquor and dive into it.
  50. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
  51. Sacrifice one lamb to the gods of Room Draw.
  52. Get blackout at preview weekend.
  53. Vomit in the back of a P-Safe car.
  54. Be sure to get outfits that will match your lanyard.
  55. When prompted for your music preferences on your housing form, put “insane clown posse.”
  56. Learn Amelie songs and Radiohead’s “Creep” on the piano and become comfortable playing them in public spaces, such as campus centers, all the time.
  57. Forget what beer is supposed to taste like.
  58. Start training for Cane Spree.
  59. Get your tongue pierced.
  60. Get your dick pierced.
  61. Get really good at masturbating.
  62. Wean yourself off breastfeeding.
  63. Reply all.
  64. Learn to speak squirrel.
  65. Master the Art of Seduction.
  66. Decide if you’re a Marnie, Hannah, Jessa, or Shosh and act accordingly.
  67. Find your Patronus.
  68. Pretend you really enjoyed reading Toni Morrison’s Beloved.
  69. Paint your cat with orange and black stripes.
  70. Listen to “Graduation (Friends Forever)”.
  71. Build a tolerance to gastroenteritis.
  72. Look directly at the sun for hours on end.
  73. Develop an interesting quirk that people will remember you by, like Tourette’s or loud chewing.
  74. Pull a dangerous senior prank and take credit publicly.
  75. Kill someone.
  76. Commit treason.
  77. Pack yourself snacks in case you get hungry.
  78. Develop a fake accent.
  79. Develop a signature catchphrase.
  80. Hit puberty.
  81. Come up with two truths and one lie.
  82. Take a gap year.
  83. Make your peace with death.
  84. Hose your front lawn, just for practice.
  85. Travel the world on a yacht with a mysterious rich man.
  86. Clear browsing data.
  87. Confess your sins.
  88. Start a company so that you can eventually drop out to focus on it.
  89. Write your autobiography.
  90. Join the Nass listserv during the activities fair so two years later you can email the entire listserv and ask be removed.
  91. Tell your mom you love her.
  92. Kiss your dad.
  93. Get to 2nd base with your dad.
  94. Turn your fear of bats into your greatest asset.
  95. Pine after a green light.
  96. Be the hero Princeton deserves, but not the one it needs right now.
  97. Learn to be an individual.
  98. Think realistically and clearheadedly about what you want to get out of college.
  99. Fall in love with Princeton.
  100. Eat dirt, freshman.